


Operation Facial Hair Removal

by lil_1337



Category: Pop Singer
Genre: Gen, Humor, Self Insert, other insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28389150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_1337/pseuds/lil_1337
Summary: A Christmas gift fic for for Rio who inspired and stars in it.





	Operation Facial Hair Removal

Italics = Text messages. 

It wasn’t my idea, no matter what you hear, remember that. I mean didn’t put up much of a fight because it sounded like fun and I am all about the fun. But, it wasn’t my idea. Rio gets the blame for that. 

It started, as so many things do, in chat. I was on the bus, heading home from another day of drudgery when she messaged me. 

_Did you see the newest pictures of my bae? *sobs *_

Not just cries, _sobs_. We were in full fashion disaster mode. A nightmare of epic proportions. I can always use a diversion from public transport hell and misery needs to be shared, so I messaged back. _links, plz_

She must have already had them cued up because they were in the messenger window in about 30 seconds. I clicked the first one and had to agree. I almost didn’t recognize the guy. His glorious curls were shorn short in the worst possible McGuyveresque mullet and he was sporting what looked like an anemic caterpillar under his lip. 

_Didn’t recognize him. WTF is he thinking?_

_No fucking clue, but it looks hideous!!_

Double exclamation points, she was really upset. You probably don’t know this about Rio, but she is a stickler for good grammar even in text messages so that was a big deal. I sent her a hug .gif and we questioned his good taste and bemoaned the youth these days before the conversation moved onto something else. 

I figured then that life would go on and she would either get use to the new look or he would change it again. Popstars are nothing if not mercurial when it comes to following or setting trends and the retro craze seemed to be fading, finally. Boy was I wrong about everything. 

Fast forward a month or so and I was once again on the bus, just chillin’ and playing Pokemon Go because the best thing about my route is that it goes by a ton of pokestops, when I got a text from Rio. 

_!!!!_ It was followed by a series of links. I clicked on the first one and couldn’t help grinning. The curls were back, looking as pretty and bouncy as before. No wonder she was excited. However, the caterpillar had grown and taken on a much more distinct shape. 

_The curls are back!_ I included a victory gif to show my approval.

She sent a happy dance gif then added. _That mustache has got to go!_

I couldn’t argue with her on that. It was a really bad look and no one could have pulled it off. _He looks like a 70s porn star._

 _Someone should shave it off._

_His stylist needs to be a hero and do that._

_Anglise won’t though. She is very supportive of whatever look he wants to try. *sighs*_

I laughed when I read her reply. Of course she not only knew what his stylists’ name was, but her personality too. Rio’s not obsessed, but she likes to know the details about the people she is interested in. That and she has been known to lurk on this gossip board that has more knowledge about celebrities than people who were not intimate with them should have. I would say people just make shit up, but too much of what comes out there has been proven to be true to just dismiss it. 

_Maybe he’ll get tired of it and shave it off._ That seemed to be the way things generally went as far as I could tell from my occasional forays into fandom.

 _Maybe_ Even though we were texting I could hear the complete and utter lack of buy in crammed into that single word. It’s funny how when you get to know someone you can hear the tone in their words even if you can’t see their face or expression. 

Two weeks later I was sitting at my computer working on some steamy fanfic, and a message came through from Rio. _What are you doing this weekend?_

I did a mental and a physical calendar check. The weekend was as empty and blank as certain celebrities' eyes. _Nada. What’s up?_

_Want some company?_

I blinked and read the screen again. For those of you who don’t know, Rio and I live half a country apart. She’s in the midwest and I’m closer to the west coast. That doesn’t mean we haven’t hung out in person. It’s just usually with more planning and less impulse. But, I’m always up for company and Rio is some of the best so I figured what the hell. It was payday weekend, my bills were all current and I had a little extra folding money in my pocket. I was working on a bad case of the mid winter blues so hanging out with one of my best buddies sounded like the perfect way to spend a couple of days. 

_Hell to the yeah! When is your plane getting in?_

She gave me the details and I scribbled them down on a sticky note before putting the dates and times on the calendar in my phone. Might seem like overkill, but I’ve got a memory like an etch a sketch. As soon as I tilt my head, everything is gone. 

The airport was quiet when I got there. It’s pretty small and even on a Friday most of the flights are in before midnight. I’m a night owl so it was no big deal to me to be out late. All the prime spots were open since the commuter flights had come and gone hours ago. I snagged the one closest to the entrance and dashed in, barely feeling the cold before a blast of warm air greeted me when the glass doors slid open.

Only one baggage area was still open so I grabbed a seat where I could see the walkway and pulled out my phone. Despite its size the airport is filled with art and by extension pokestops and gyms. I had just caught a lapras, yay winter event, when I looked up and saw Rio heading towards me. She had a backpack hanging on one shoulder and was pulling her suitcase behind her. Rio is a grand champion packer so I figured we didn’t need to wait for checked luggage to show up..

We hugged each other, laughing and grinning like fools which is totally what an airport waiting area is for. That and kissing or crying your eyes out, but neither of those applied here. It took us less than five minutes to get out to the car, but as we were settling into our seats she burst out with the news that her bae was in town, spending the weekend at one of the fancy resorts up in the foothills. More than that we had reservations for dinner there on Saturday. 

I’m not much for dressing up, I can pull it off when required, but given the choice I prefer jeans and a big, comfy, t-shirt. I think that pajamas should always be a valid wardrobe choice. Unfortunately, my boss is an aficionado of kitten heels and pencil skirts. We’ve come to a meeting of the minds in the last five years, but neither one of us is thrilled about it. 

However, this promised to be something interesting and I was not about to turn down a chance to eat a fancy meal and make fun of the pompous assholes who frequented that particular resort. I was pretty sure we were not going to lay eyes on the guy since he was supposed to be resting and recreating before jumping into a long international tour supporting his second album. But the experience promised to be fun and that little bit of hope added an extra thrill to it. 

With a copy of said second album securely in the cd player and strains of track one, my favorite, floating around us we headed back to my place. It had been a long day for both of us and Rio was feeling the flight so we headed to bed, saving the catching up for the morning.

At some point in the middle of the night Charlie, my precious and not all spoiled tabby, woke me up by yowling indignantly at the door to my bedroom. She is convinced she is the queen of her domain and I have never disabused her of that. I scooped her up and made her snuggle with me on the couch. I surfed twitter and worshiped Charlie while I tried to fall back to sleep. 

My eyes were just starting to get heavy when I spotted a tweet from Rio’s bae. He had posted a selfie of himself in one of the chairs at the resort beauty salon. Underneath the picture it said, “Thanks to Marcie for trim and buff. Love what she did with the facial hair. Might never shave it now.” Rio is going to fucking die was my last thought before Charlie’s purr did its dark work and put me to sleep. 

Looking back, I’m pretty sure it was that tweet that sent her over the edge. She told me later that her original plan was just to go to dinner, be in the same place as her bae, and maybe, if she was really lucky, get to see or say hi to him. Possibly, if she let herself dream, even a picture. I totally believe her. If she had planned it she would have told me so I could have bailed if I wanted to.

We both slept in then had a casual breakfast that was really more of a lunch then wandered around downtown a little, checking out the shops. I love downtown, it's bright and filled with unique little hole in the wall stores, but I hardly ever go there. The traffic is a pain and parking spots are harder to find than an altruistic billionaire. But, it is a great place to take visitors and there is a cafe that makes waffles I would give my first born for. If I had one. 

Heading back to the car we passed an old pharmacy, Thompson’s Rx. The kind that has a big R and a little X on its leg that you only see in old movies these days. She grinned and dragged me into the store with a cheerey. “We should check this place out.” Inside I headed for the weird old candy section on the far wall assuming Rio was right behind me. I’d picked out a couple things by the time I realized that she was not there. Yeah, I know, I’m easily distracted by chocolate in all its forms. Sadly, that is not even close to my worst failing. 

When I finally found her, she was at the checkout. She thanked the clerk and slipped a bag, that I assumed was full of the kitschy souvenirs that people love, into her backpack as I joined her at the register. I paid for my sugar haul and we headed back to the car, talking about all the things that people discuss when they haven’t seen each other in a while. The usual, life, liberty and who was pursuing who’s happiness.

The day went by quickly even though we didn’t do much of anything besides hang out and watch youtube. There were a ton of live videos of Rio’s bae from before his bad hair choices and I think we watched them all, discussing his fashion choices and admiring the way he worked the crowd. The boy has a super high charisma score, that is for damn sure. 

It seemed like no time had passed before we had to get ready to observe the rich folks in their natural habitat. We were both dressed to the nines in immaculate makeup, slinky dresses, come fuck me heels, and the sheerest of sheer nylons when we scooted out, locking the door behind us. We both have short hair so it was pretty much a dry and fluff style that invited someone to run their fingers through it with a seductive wink. 

My feet were already hating me when our waiter, Please call me Fernando, showed us to our table. The place certainly lived up to its reputation. All the linens were a crisp white and the glasses sparkled. I could have done my makeup in my reflection on the silverware. 

Rio quickly scoped out the rest of the people in the dining room and determined that we were probably the only ones there under the age of 60 so the chances that her bae’s location had been leaked to the internet were slim. We both took a deep breath and grinned, knowing that meant he was more likely to be out and about instead of hiding in his room. 

The return of Fernando and ordering dinner distracted us for a few minutes so we both missed his grand entrance. Not surprisingly, Rio noticed him first. She made a strangled little noise which alerted me to either the presence of her bae or the fact that she was having a heart attack. I made sure she wasn’t clutching her chest and her face was not turning blue before subtly looking behind me and there he was in all his adorable glory.

By the time we were done with dinner, dessert, and after dinner coffee Rio had learned three very important things. Her bae was dining alone and had a massage scheduled after dinner, his room number, and she loved Nopalitos. I mean, it’s hard not to because they are so tasty. Turned out the food was as good as the silverware was clean. 

We lingered as long as we could, waiting until he had finished his meal before calling for the check. I thought she was going to approach him and try to get a picture or an autograph, but once we paid she pulled me in the other direction, towards the bathroom. Confused, I followed her.

The bathroom was like the rest of the place I had seen so far. White marble with gold flakes as far as the eye could see. There were actual hand towels by the sink. Also white with a thin gold band on the edge for accent. I picked one up out of curiosity and was not at all surprised to find that it was lush and about half the size of my bath towels at home. 

While I was checking out the facilities, Rio was pacing. Not to measure out the length of the bathroom either. I just watched her for a minute, my common butt resting comfortably on the marble while my feet dangled a few inches above the floor. Finally, she stopped and looked at me. She was frowning in concentration and her eyes flicked around the room before coming to rest on me again. 

I expected ‘OMG that was _him_ panic or ‘he’s so beautiful’. I did not expect ‘we should go look at his room’. In retrospect I should have. Maybe I was distracted by everything. Or maybe I was full of good food and my brain was not moving at its usual speed. Either way, I was caught off guard for a moment. 

When I did not respond immediately her face fell and she looked away, deflated. I was not having that! So I jumped in, totally agreeing if we could get past security it would be a cool thing to do. Take a picture of the door for the memories. Plus, we knew he was not going to be there so things weren’t likely to get weird. At least not more weird than they already were. 

We left the bathroom and headed towards the archway that was the entrance and exit to the restaurant. Fortunately, it was situated within the resort so when we stepped through it we were in the main lobby. 

On one one side of the room, next to the main entrance, was a reception desk, also topped with marble. Behind the counter were two employees in matching button down shirts with the resort's name stitched over the pocket on the right and a plastic name plate on the other side. One was a young guy who looked like he had been out of high school for maybe five minutes and the other was a grey haired woman who seemed less than thrilled to be there. Neither one bothered to give us more than a cursory glance. 

On the other wall was another set of glass double doors that led back to the hotel portion of the resort. We wandered around the lobby, looking at the art that adorned the walls. Some of it was local scenes and others more abstract but in colors like terracotta and turquoise that were part of the regional decor. Next to the doors we needed to go through there was a large, framed, map of the place and we took the time to study it, pretending we were guests who were mapping out how to get to our room. In reality we were looking for someone else’s, but no one needed to know that, right? 

It wasn’t until ee saw an older man approaching, keycard in hand. Rio opened her purse, fumbling around in it as if she was looking for her keycard. He smiled at her and swiped his, holding the door open to let us through. I was totally impressed. I never knew she was so smooth. We thanked the guy as we parted ways. He headed down the hallway for the 100 - 150 rooms and we made for the elevator. 

Our luck held and the elevator didn’t require a keycard. I had been dreading the idea of having to climb four flights of stairs in come fuck me heels. If it had come to that I would have taken them off and hoped my nylons survived the trip. But we hit the button and the lights began making their way down...4...3...2...1. 

The ride was surprisingly quick. Rio was bouncing next to me and if that wasn’t enough I could feel the tension rolling off her in waves. When the bell dinged our eyes met and we grinned like little kids on a trip to the park. It had been a while since I had been on a real adventure and I’d forgotten just how much fun it was to break the rules and ride the adrenaline buzz. 

The hallway was surprisingly basic given the marble and gold accents that were all over the lobby. The carpet was a plush green and my shoes sunk into it like I was walking in shallow mud, with less slurping noises though. The walls were covered in a green and gold striped wallpaper that reminded me of some Christmas wrap my mom had years ago. It had been old fashioned then and nothing had changed. 

We made our way down the hall trying not to giggle every time our eyes met. It was like the best part of being back in college. Her bae’s room was towards the end and on the side with the mountain views. Nothing but the best for Mr. Multiple Grammy Winner. 

His door looked the same as every other one we passed, but seeing the number made both of us freeze in our tracks. Rio pulled out her camera and took a picture so I did too. It wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else, but for me it was a memento of an awesome weekend, a return to being silly for a few minutes. 

I was ready to head back down to the lobby when Rio walked over and checked the door. It was locked, not surprising, but when she pushed on it, it opened. Apparently he had not pulled it all the way closed behind him or the lock was fidgety because it had not caught. 

“Should we?” She asked, already stepping over the threshold into the room. 

My first thought was hell no and my second was why not? We weren’t going to steal anything, just look around. Was it invasive of his privacy? Fuck yes, should we have pulled the door tight and walked away? Definitely. But you know how sometimes your brain tells you one thing, and your conscience says something else, but you are in the zone and keep going anyway? My feet made the decision for me because I was moving forward without even thinking about what I was doing. 

The room was nice enough and about two thirds the size of my apartment. There was a sitting room with a flat screen tv and a couple of chairs that looked like they were out of a interior design magazine. I would have bet money they were as uncomfortable as they looked too. 

Off to the right was a semi closed door that I assumed led to the bathroom. The door to the room right in front was standing open. Through it I could see a king sized bed and a stand that had an open suitcase on it. It could have been anyone’s room, and I was surprised that there was nothing distinctive to show he had been there. In retrospect that is probably a weird thing to think since the whole point of a hotel is it’s basically anonymous. 

I turned to say something to Rio and she was gone. I panicked a little, spinning in a circle trying to find her, my mind filled with the suspense plots I love. How was I going to explain her disappearance without implicating myself in a crime? I was counting to ten and reminding myself that she had to be there, somewhere, when I saw her coming out of the bathroom. She grinned and crossed the room to peek her head into the bedroom before coming to join me. 

I had to grin back, it was just one of those moments. Too many nerves and adrenaline flooding my system mixed with the thrill of being somewhere I shouldn’t. When we left we made sure the door was shut tightly behind us. The ride down in the elevator was quiet this time, the adrenaline starting to drain, leaving me big meal sleepy. 

“Did you get pictures?” I asked her as we walked out to the car. 

She shook her head. “That would have been weird and way too invasive of his privacy. 

I studied her. The nervousness was gone and in its place was a kind of mission accomplished zen. Something had happened while we were in that room and I could tell she really wanted to share.

“Okay, so what did you do?” 

“I put hair removal gel in his moustache cream. “ 

I probably shouldn’t have, but I cracked up laughing. It was the perfect end to an awesome day. “You know that stuff is only temporary.” 

“Yeah.” She shrugged and smiled wryly. “I’ll take what I can get.” 

Three months later I was on the bus when my phone pinged letting me know I had a text. It said _please kill me now!_ and had a link. I clicked on it and an article for a gossip magazine popped up. The picture at the top showed Rio’s bae sporting a lovely, full, moustache and in the text he lamented how his facial hair had all fallen out a few months ago, but that it had grown back in so thick and full he was considering never shaving it off again. 

I sent Rio a sad face emoji to show her some love and laughed all the way home.


End file.
